"I am not a number, I'm a free man," bellowed the Prisoner. Greedy sod, he should have been grateful, because Coventry City striker Paul Williams is remembered in the tomes of football folly by just a solitary letter. Yes, one blessed letter.

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Group B
Sunday, 5pm.
Austria v Croatia

Pundit: Chris Murphy		  
Reasons to be cheerful:

- Croatia really are quite good. This fact went some way to ensuring that with five minutes remaining and the score 0-0, you won't have to endure the sight of Steven Gerrard punting hopeful long balls towards Peter Crouch.
- Austria really are quite bad. Ranked 92nd in the world, below such footballing giants such as New Zealand and Guatemala, their fans should make the most of the opportunity to be at a big tournament.
- At the risk of repeating myself, Croatia really are quite good. This means that you no longer have to suffer Steve McClaren on the England bench.

Reasons to be fearful:

- The almost inevitable Mark Lawrenson Ultravox gag. 'It means nothing to me Motty'.
- The ghost of Tony Polster's mullet.
- The sight of some wag in the crowd shouting 'You couldn't even trap your family in the cellar'. As an Austrian player fails to control the ball.

Open Goal Hysteria Hunch:

After some national soul-searching in recent months, the Austrians will be looking to the tournament to take their mind off things. Crotia are a handy outfit who could match their World Cup semi-final of 1998. Nevertheless, don't expect this to be a tournament-defining match.

We predict (out of 10): 4 yodels.

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