You always know you're on to a winner when 'a source close to the club' is the best quote someone can get. On one hand, this mysterious silhouetted character comes out by saying: "We effectively have four teams on the payroll - that is far too big a squad," and he's not wrong, given that the Hammers boast 41 men in their first-team set-up.

Just imagine the chicken suppers the canteen lady is supposed to cope with producing, and the teamtalks (pictured right) are a right palaver.

But then in the best contradiction since Iain Dowie left Palace for Charlton so as to be closer to his family ... who live in Bolton ... this insider pipes up: "We will be signing players - we don't have to sell before we buy necessarily." Well that follows. Not.

If I was a cynic with a penchance for metaphorical oration, I'd find myself gazing through a smokescreen whilst lobbing buckets of water over some smoking embers wondering when the first licks of fire would present themselves.

I'm not saying West Ham are deeper in trouble than any of the other Premier League sides who don't have a bite of European football to get their accountants' claws into, but I think it's going to be fairly one-way traffic out of Upton Park over the next few weeks.

And if you were left in any doubt that this East London whisperer cuffed by the BBC on his way to the jellied eel shop is getting his twitters mixed up with his cock-er-nee sparras, he goes on to state:

"At best, we managed to field six or seven of our first team at any one time last season. Just imagine how well we could have done had the likes of Kieron Dyer been available all season."

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