This, taken from a Japanese gameshow, shows just what could be needed if England fail to qualify for Euro 2008.

A tournament held over a weekend at Wembley, where every player who has featured in Steve McClaren's squads since he took over as England boss is forced to play wearing the stripes and donning the binoculars. Five-a-side, first one to ten wins, no subs.

A weekend of ritual humiliation for the nation's clowns, giving us all a huge morale boost while the rest of the continent focusses on goings-on in Austria and Switzerland.

To help the whole thing stay remain true to its Japanese origins, Yoko Ono can referee the matches. It's what John would have wanted.

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