Problem was, when prancing around for Milton Mount United under 13s I never did that well, and certainly never got spotted .. well, maybe by the opposition manager as a weak link in a defence already shipping more goals than Derby County.

Anyway, Swansea City boss Roberto Martinez has been the latest name to be hoisted up the flagpole in respect of the no.2 job at Manchester United, as vacated by Carlos Queiroz who has stepped into 'big' Phil Scolari's 'actually not very big' shoes as Portugal coach.

Spaniard Martinez's worth escalates with every passing week, having overseen the Swans' romp to the League One title last season in his first year as a manager. Joining Fergie op North would be a great opportunity for the gaffer to step into one of the biggest jobs in football, and it would help him reassemble those Lancastrian vocal tones having first landed on these shores back in 1995 as a player at Wigan Athletic.

I've had the pleasure of dealing with Roberto many times over the past year, and it would be true to say he is one of the nicest guys in the game .. he even smiled off a heavily inebriated text I delivered to him at 2am on the night Swansea clinched promotion to the Championship .. *hiccup*

But there are bigger forces in play here. Sure, he says he's staying in South Wales, because he's that sort of loyal guy, and many would applaud that. But more than that, departing Swansea would leave a bunch of Spanish footballers who signed up for a footy revolution left a little bewildered and probably wondering what the hell they'd let themselves in for.

Martinez has ferried over no fewer than five Spanish players from continental heavyweights such as Espanyol, and if you think Jan Molby's accent was a just a wee bit freaky after a few years at Liverpool, imagine what spoken anomalies would develop at the Liberty Stadium with Martinez awol at Old Trafford.

¿Cuál manera es Rasputins vodka bar et a que hora cierre Ritzys, boyo?

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