We all know that watching Middlesbrough week-in week-out can't be much fun.

Not only was the Riverside voted the most atmosphere-drained Premier League ground in a recent poll, but when supporters assess how the club might muster up a clean sheet it must be hugely frustrating to look down and see the answer stood there...by the side of the pitch...right under their noses...in a suit.

Manager Gareth Southgate again came out this week claiming that the club must be defensively smarter, and that he'll continue to look for solutions to plug the gaps. Well here's one, take that three-piece back to Moss Bros, pull on a footy kit, and get back out there playing!

Southgate is the same age as Edwin van der Sar, younger than Tugay, and could comfortably clock up another 100 Premier League appearances before getting anywhere near the age Teddy Sheringham was when he last trotted out in front of the TV cameras.

The problem with Middlesbrough is that they're 'cash flash'. So they'll blow £18million on Alves and Mido, yet wonder why they're conceding goals with (admittedly good but still star-eyed) youngsters like Jonathan Grounds, Seb Hines and Anthony McMahon at the back. Indeed, they seem to have the same aversion to signing quality defenders as their friends up the road at St James' Park.

It's like the good old days at the Riverside. In the same team that included Juninho, Ravanelli (right, oh dear what's going on here?) and Emerson, you could also find Derek Whyte, Alan Moore and Nigel Pearson. Bonkers.

Get stripped off Southgate, you're back in the team, son...