"I am not a number, I'm a free man," bellowed the Prisoner. Greedy sod, he should have been grateful, because Coventry City striker Paul Williams is remembered in the tomes of football folly by just a solitary letter. Yes, one blessed letter.

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IT'S SILVERWARE SEASON...
THURSDAY 15th MAY 2008




You know that moment on a Sunday afternoon, the day after England have been knocked out of ANOTHER major tournament by ANOTHER penalty shoot-out, and your twattish neighbour leans over the fence as you're quietly drifting off into a Kronenberg-induced slumber, and hollers, "We woz robbed"? Well the chances are he could actually be telling the truth.

Research by home security firm Alert-Me suggests that the number of burglaries that take place during times of major Championships or Cup Finals leaps much like Iain Dowie powering in a League Cup own goal at Stockport County ( >> check today's 'Video of the Day' for a reminder!).


So it is with extreme forethought that Open Goal presents its three-step guide to avoiding having yer stuff half-inched during next Wednesday's Champions League Final between Chelsea and Manchester United.

1 - Everyone knows the match will end 0-0, so why bother spending hard-earned time and money going to Moscow, only to crawl back with some shandy-drinking Arsenal fan delivering a volley of abuse in your David Weir?

2 - Everyone knows the match will end 0-0, so why bother spending hard-earned time and money going to the pub, only to crawl back with some shandy-drinking Arsenal fan delivering a volley of abuse in your David Weir?

3 - Stay at home and watch that fox Beeny on Property Ladder. That way, when it finishes you've still got a good hour to nip over the fence and nick your twattish neighbour's 'look at me' Flymo, complete with easy-reel cable and a vision window in the collection box.

Job done.

 

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