But in football, just as in other things in life, there are matters that sometimes slink well below the football radar and never get out. For example, in the 2000/01 season the highest paid footballer in the Premiership was, err, Nick Barmby.

Then there was Wigan boss Paul Jewell who paid £200,000 for 33-year-old keeper Mike Pollitt on the basis of him conceding 75 goals for Rotherham United during the 2004/05 season.

In contrast, we have the other football 'secrets' that sit so far above the line they can barely see it beneath them. We're in a new era of transparency in the game (all thanks to those sleuths at 'Panorama', naturally), so I am hereby calling for an end to badly worded whispers. The greasy grapevine withers and dies here, folks.

We've been taken for fools for far too long folks, with the 'will they, won't they' game - I'm picturing Cashley Cole in a hotel bar for some reason, so it's time for honesty to shine through.

"Say what you see," as Roy Walker used to boom on Catchphrase. We know what's going to happen, so lets get through the endless speculation and cut to the chase.

I'll go first:

Sven - P45.
Garry Barry - red shirt and a house overlooking the Mersey.
Keegan - another pre-season forgetting to sign defenders.

There, that wasn't so difficult was it.

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