Spare a thought for Hearts forward Calum Elliot. The poor petal has declared that "football just isn't fun anymore" and wants out from Tynecastle.

Understandable really, because the Edinburgh-born hitman really knows how to enjoy himself. Indeed, his ever-so-slightly-camp rendition of Endless Summer by Cascada that was splashed across You Tube recently obviously hints at the fact he pines for another life, maybe as part of the Bronski Beat reunion tour?

And just ask John Terry, for he'll confirm that this football lark is very overrated. It's just no "fun" these days.

Playing top-level soccer (even if that top-level is in Scotland) - working four hours a day, earning the kind of sums of money that have led this journalist to contemplate embarking on a trail of grisly murders on more than one occasion - it's just no bloody "fun". And then, having to naff off to Canada to take part in some FIFA under-20 World Cup bollocks. (Admittedly, in true Scots style, they lost all three games, humiliated by Japan, Nigeria, and their old friends from Costa Rica.)

So seems like Elliot has come to the end of the road. Three red cards this season suggests that this guy is pretty pissed off about something.

And fair enough, he has had a good innings; been there, seen it, done it, had "fun", and now at the ripe old age of 21 it's time to do something else. I wonder if Jimmy Somerville needs a barber?

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