Seriously, give it a crack, as it provides a fascinating insight into the human psyche. In some instances you'll get footballers who are genuine footballers. They use Facebook for all the same reasons that all us other anoraks do - to say hello to old friends, to stay in touch, to get poked, to boast about the size of our search engines etc. Lee Trundle is a good example - he loves a bit of Facebook. And DVDs.

Then there are Facebook pages set up by fans. Now personally, I find this all a bit peculiar - a touch homoerotic for my liking. Take the Alan Shearer Facebook page - I mean, the guy doesn't even play football anymore, yet he has over 7,000 'fans'. But what do all these fans talk about - his tap-in against Coventry back in 1991? That time against Mansfield in the Cup when his customary one-hand goal celebration lasted 0.8 seconds longer than usual?

But then, worse than that, are those fans who set up pages pretending to be players! Classic. Now this is verging on stalker territory. I experimented by typing 'Wayne Rooney' into Facebook, and can you believe, there are over 500 of the geezers, all living in Manchester (barring a few in Hong Kong, strangely).

Now either Colleen's gestation period is about to enter the Guinness Book of Records, or as most of us have suspected for a long while, there are some very strange wannabes out there.

Anyway, must dash. I haven't updated www.francis-jeffers.com in ages and I've got his entire goal collection from 07/08 season to upload, edit and describe. Gonna see if I can do it by the time the kettle boils.