The Ivorian is not known for his Wayne Sleep-like moves or his Jamie Redknapp-esque good looks (or as my missus put it last night, "Whoever marries him isn't doing it for looks", before proceeding to rattle on about Debbie McGhee; anyway, I diverge ..) but what the hell was all that Gordon the Blue Engine stuff about last night?

Sprinting to the corner flag, then bombing down the touchline letting out load 'woo-woo's and issuing penalty fares. (And rumour is he only narrowly avoided a nasty shunt after the game when fat controller Benitez caught up with him in the tunnel.)

And then at the end of the game the CGCA (Crap Goal Celebration Affliction) had swept to the rest of the Chelsea team who undertook some perverse 'Lee Hughes does Strictly Come Morris Dancing' bollocks for the visual pleasure of the Stamford Bridge faithful.

Strikes me that if you work five half-days a week and get paid £130,000 for the privilege, you should have enough time to get some proper dancing lessons that might assist your goal celebrations, or at very least assist not looking like such a prize tit.

I mean, it worked for Robbie Keane. Oh, hang on ..