Just who is the shadowy Brazilian who has arrived at Middlesbrough and bemused the fans with his unique brand of mediocrity? See if you’re any the wiser after this quick quiz…

TRUE OR FALSE?
Alves believes he owns the DNA of Bob Marley and is trying to breed the reggae legend with a dead kestrel.

TRUE OR FALSE?
He mistakenly believed he’d be entitled to run a salsa bar in the Boro dressing room as part of his contract.

TRUE OR FALSE?
His face is covered in a tattoo of a spider’s web, but because of a FIFA rule has to wear make-up whenever he plays in order to mask it.

TRUE OR FALSE?
Alves is the designated first aider at the club and practices the kiss of life on David Wheater during every training session.

TRUE OR FALSE?
He mistook the recent earthquake as the sound of his stomach rumbling and got out of bed at 1.15am to make himself a shepherd’s pie.

ANSWERS: All are false

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