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"I
am not a number, I'm a free man," bellowed the
Prisoner. Greedy sod, he should have been grateful,
because Coventry City striker Paul Williams is remembered
in the tomes of football folly by just a solitary letter.
Yes, one blessed letter.
READ MORE...
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DOUBLE
TROUBLE FOR DOUBLE AGENTS...
SATURDAY
31st MAY 2008 |
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There
aren't many months of the year when I wouldn't
want to be a footy agent, but this is definitely
one of them.
Imagine the situation,
if you will. The season has finished, and
you've got a clutch of players calling you
at all hours of day and night trying to
get themselves a few extra quid at the club
down the road. |
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There's the 34-year-old
midfielder who has been playing in League
One for the past two years but still reckons
he can cut it in the England squad. Then
you've got the crocked defender who is
still recovering from a double leg break
following that unfortunate accident on
the banana boat in Magaluf two summers
ago, not to mention the 18-year-old youngster
with an attitude that smells worse than
my underpants, and a penchant for loose
women (the breed, that is, not the ITV
lunchtime chat show .. although admittedly,
did anyone see Esther Rantzen on there
this week? .. she was just waaaanderful).
Anyway, I digress, for a
change.
I suppose it must be frustrating for footballers
too, particularly when you know that your
agent, frankly, just can't be arsed. From
the outside, you can always tell when
this is, because you'll find players embarking
on lengthy overexuberant bouts of self-promotion.
Take IK Start's Ghanaian midfielder Anthony
Annan who, as the BBC reported yesterday,
was "linking himself with a move
to a Premier League club".
Good work, Ant.
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The 21-year-old, who has been punted out
on loan to Norwegian giants Stabaek (yes,
them), does his best to stoke the transfer
furnaces, stating that: "My first
choice is a move to England, but I would
otherwise think about France or Spain."
I'm sure if you were to get the full transcript
of the interview, he'd continue .. "..
or Germany, Italy, Holland, maybe Belgium,
Austria, Luxembourg, Kazakhstan .."
All in all it's clear his agent is taking
the rise. But Annan is blind to the stark
reality:
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"My
agent is working hard for me," ..
no he's not.
" .. and he says a lot about me moving
to the Premiership in the summer,"
.. if he was serious, Anthony, he'd probably
know it is now called the Premier League.
But the concluding part is priceless,
as he optimistically states: "He
told me Bolton and Middlesbrough are interested."
Ha, the old 'Bolton and Middlesbrough'
line. Classic. His agent obviously has
about his person the 2008 'Pocket Handbook
for Agents', which clearly states
:
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a worryingly average player is proving problematic
and you want him off your back for a while,
state to your man and any listening journalists
that Bolton and Middlesbrough are interested.
You'll buy yourself at least a month's breathing
space, and don't be surprised if Gary Megson
reads your quote in the paper and phones
up offering you £14million for the
young swine.' |
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